Conflict rarely grows without a mechanism.
A statement is distorted. Emotion is Activated. Others are recruited. Provocation follows. Sides form. Attention becomes captured, and before long Human Beings who may normally Act with Love, Reason, and Compassion can find Themselves Participating in something They never Consciously intended to Create.
When We Innerstand the mechanism, We become considerably less vulnerable to becoming part of it.
DISTORTION
Deception does not always begin with a complete lie. Often, the most Effective distortion contains some Truth.
A fact can be removed from context. An Intention can be assumed. Words can be selectively repeated. An opinion can gradually become presented as fact.
Once the distortion is Accepted, everything that follows may be built upon a false foundation.
This is why Discernment must precede Reaction.
Before Accepting an accusation or repeating information about Another, simply determine:
“What do I actually Know to be True?”
There is an Important difference between what We Personally Know, what We have been told, what We assume, and what We Believe.
Truth requires that We Know the difference.
EMOTIONAL ACTIVATION
Distortion gains power when Emotion becomes attached to it.
Fear, anger, resentment, humiliation, jealousy, or the desire to defend Someone can cause a Human Being to React before fully Innerstanding what has occurred.
This does not make the Human Being bad.
It demonstrates why remaining Centered is Important.
Strong Emotion is not necessarily proof that something is True. When We become Emotionally Activated, that is often the very moment when greater Discernment is required.
RECRUITMENT AND DIVISION
Conflict seeks Participants.
One Person tells Another. That Person repeats the story. Someone adds an interpretation. Another adds something They once heard.
Soon, many People may be repeating something that none of Them Personally verified.
Repetition does not transform an unverified claim into Truth.
Good Human Beings can participate in harmful Behavior while sincerely Believing They are doing what is right. Good Intentions, therefore, do not remove Our Responsibility to exercise Discernment.
As more People become involved, sides can form.
An “Us” and a “Them” develops, and Truth may gradually become secondary to allegiance.
Human Beings who once Loved or Respected One Another can find Themselves divided over information They never Personally established to be True.
PROVOCATION
Provocation seeks Reaction.
When Someone is attacked, falsely accused, insulted, or deliberately antagonized, there can be a powerful temptation to respond from the same Emotional condition being directed toward Them.
This is the trap.
- The Person being attacked begins attacking.
- The Person being insulted begins insulting.
- The Person confronting aggression becomes aggressive.
The original Behavior may then become obscured while the Reaction becomes the new focus.
There is another Choice.
A Human Being can remain Centered enough to Recognize:
“I do not have to Become what I am Encountering.”
This does not mean remaining silent when Truth should be Spoken. It does not mean Tolerating harmful Behavior, abandoning boundaries, or refusing Appropriate Action.
It means choosing the Consciousness from which Our Response originates.
WHEN REASON IS NO LONGER BEING RECEIVED
There are times when an Individual becomes so committed to anger, accusation, or conflict that Reasonable dialogue no longer produces Innerstanding.
- Clarification may be rejected.
- Evidence may be dismissed.
- Attempts at Peace may become additional material for conflict.
At that point, continuing to explain Yourself may accomplish nothing except giving more Attention and Energy to the destructive exchange.
One cannot force Another into Self-Awareness.
We can offer Truth, Reason, Compassion, and Clarification. The Other Human Being must Choose whether They are Willing to receive them.
Sometimes the Wisest Action is an appropriate boundary followed by withdrawal from the conflict.
That is not condemnation of the Human Being.
It is Discernment concerning the interaction.
FALSE WITNESS
Words carry consequences.
An accusation can damage a reputation, fracture Relationships, recruit Others into conflict, and spread far beyond the Person who originally spoke it.
For this reason, We carry a serious Responsibility when speaking about the Character, Intentions, or Actions of Another Human Being.
- If We do not Know something to be True, We should not present it as though We do.
- If We heard something from Another, We should Recognize that distinction.
- If We are Emotionally involved, We should Recognize that Our interpretation may be affected.
Truth requires Responsibility.
THE ENERGETIC DRAIN
Conflict Requires Attention, and Attention carries Energy.
Every hour spent arguing, retaliating, monitoring accusations, answering gossip, or Mentally replaying an attack redirects Life Energy away from Love, Family, Service, Creation, Purpose, Inner Development, and Peace.
This does not mean that every conflict should be ignored.
It means We should become Conscious of what We are giving Our Life Energy to.
- Not every accusation requires a response.
- Not every misinnerstanding requires prolonged debate.
- Not every provocation deserves Our continued Attention.
Sometimes Truth must be Spoken.
Sometimes Silence is Wisdom.
Discernment is Knowing the difference.
THE POINT OF POWER
Between what reaches Us and how We Respond exists a moment of Choice.
- An accusation may reach Us.
- An insult may reach Us.
- A lie may reach Us.
- Provocation may reach Us.
But what leaves Our Presence remains Our Responsibility.
- We can Correct a lie without hatred.
- We can Establish a boundary without vengeance.
- We can end Communication without cruelty.
- We can Expose deception without becoming deceptive.
- We can protect Ourselves and Others.
- We can say “No”.
- We can walk away.
- We can take Appropriate Action.
The difference lies within the Consciousness and Energy from which Our Action originates.
A SIMPLE PRACTICE OF DISCERNMENT
When conflict reaches You, return to three simple considerations:
“”What do I actually Know to be True?””
“”Will My Response help Resolve what is occurring, or will it feed the conflict?””
“”Is this worthy of My Life Energy?””
These simple considerations can interrupt an entire mechanism before it gains control of Your Attention.
COMPASSION WITHOUT NAIVETY
Compassion does not require blindness.
We can Innerstand that Another Human Being may be angry, frightened, confused, wounded, or manipulated while still Recognizing that Their Behavior is harmful.
Innerstanding Behavior does not require Accepting it.
- Love and boundaries are not opposites.
- Compassion and Discernment are not opposites.
- Forgiveness and Responsibility are not opposites.
We can maintain Compassion for the Human Being while refusing Participation in destructive Behavior.
RETURN TO PURPOSE
One of the most Effective Responses to deception, provocation, and division is remarkably simple:
“”Return to Your Purpose.””
- Return Your Attention to what You were Creating.
- Return to Those You Love.
- Return to Service.
- Return to the Meaningful work before You.
- Return to Truth.
- Return to Peace.
- Deception requires Belief.
- Provocation requires Reaction.
- Drama requires Participation.
- Division requires sides.
- Energetic draining requires sustained Attention.
When Conscious Participation is withdrawn, the mechanism begins losing its power.
- Remain Aware.
- Remain Discerning.
- Remain Compassionate.
Speak Truth when Truth needs to be Spoken.
Establish boundaries when boundaries are required.
Take Appropriate Action when Action is necessary.
And above all, remain sufficiently Conscious that whatever enters Your Presence does not determine what leaves it.
That is the Point of Power.
That is Conscious Choice.
And that is how We cease Participating in the mechanisms of deception, provocation, and division.